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Jokes and Anecdotes (all rated PG-13 or less)
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You know you are a Washingtonian if:
1. Use the statement "sun break" and know what it means.
2. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
3. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
4. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.
5. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain.
6. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, Chum, Pink and Sockeye Salmon.
7. You know how to correctly pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Humptulips, Peshashtin and Yakima.
8. You consider swimming an indoor sport.
9. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark - while only working eight-hour days.
10. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
11. You are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers."
12. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see them through the cloud cover.
13. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
14. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
15. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after not using them since last year.
16. You measure distance in hours.
17. You often switch from "heat" to "a/c" in the same day.
18. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still
Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk Season (Fall).
19. You know what is meant by the phrase "the mountain's out."
20. You truly care about who wins the Apple Cup. (submitted by Matthew C)
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Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near a highway in rural Washington on the opening day of deer season. They both saw a trophy-class buck meandering towards them. As the one hunter raised his gun to shoot, a funeral procession came slowly by.
The hunter lowered his gun, took off his hat, and stood with his head bowed until the procession was past. Of course by then, the deer was long gone.
The other hunter exclaimed 'Wow! That was the most sportsman-like act I've ever seen! You allowed this trophy buck to escape while showing such compassion and kindness toward someone's dearly departed. You are a great humanitarian and a shining example to sportsmen throughout the world!'
The first hunter nodded and said; 'Well... we were married for 42 years.' (submitted by Andy L.)
_______________________________________________________________________A 4x4 buck, a 3x3 buck and a spike buck are standing by a field browsing on acorns.
The 4x4 says, "I'm happy with my 10 does, we're really getting along."
The 3x3 buck says, "I'm happy as heck with my 5, they really take care of me!"
The spike buck says, "My two are alright, better than nothing I guess."
Then all of a sudden a GIANT 25 point non-typical buck walks out into the field. The three bucks had never seen anything like him before, they were in awe. The big buck made a huge scrape and pissed in it, rubbed a phone pole and snapped it off at the ground! The three bucks looked on in amazement.
4x4 says, "I could probably get by with 4 does... Who really needs 10 anyways?"
3x3 says, "You know.. come to think of it, I could only really use one or two of mine!"
The spike buck was silent, the other two bucks look over to him in confusion. Suddenly the yearling runs out into the middle of the field! He rips and tears up some grass... pisses all over the place, snorts & wheezes, rubs his head raw on a tree and chews a scent branch clean off! Then he runs back over to his two buddies.
His friends immediately jump him, "What the hell are you doing!?"
"I'm just makin' sure that big sumbitch knows I'm a buck!" he replies. (submitted by P Lathrop)
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Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Washington, spotted a small bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a bigger bear. The bigger bear said, 'That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.' After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the big bear had his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Washington where he found the bigger bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge bear stood right next to him. The huge bear said, 'That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have 'rough sex.' Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the huge bear than be mauled to death. So the huge bear had his way with Frank. Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered. Now Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Washington and managed to track down the huge bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on is shoulder. He turned around to find a giant grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear looked at him
and said, 'Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?' (submitted by Beau W)
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A bear and a rabbit are standing in the middle of the Okanogan forest relieving themselves as animals do... The bear looks over to the rabbit and says "does poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit nervously replies "why yes it certainly does!" The bear then picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt with him. (submitted by Parker L)
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Q. What's the best use for an elk hide? A. To keep an elk together, that's what... (submitted by Parker L)
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